Last week I found myself in a situation that I didn’t think could be possible in this day and age. I was on the receiving end of sheer rudeness, rudeness for a service I was paying for.
I guess over the last few decades with the introduction of health and safety, laws about what you can and can’t do or say, generally being wrapped up in cotton wool in a nanny state we’ve all had to watch how we say things and deliver our message. Even in the work place if conducting appraisals we are trained to give constructive criticism with plenty of encouragement and are told to also focus on the positive.
I’ve always secretly wondered if by not saying it as it is if we aren’t really receiving the big picture or even the truth. Anyone who knows me will know that I am straight talking and I like people to be the same with me, however, one thing I am not, and that is unkind or rude and I would never say anything that I think might hurt someone’s feelings. Kindness costs nothing and I believe what goes around comes around – karma.
So what had me reeling last week? I found myself in a situation whereby after, when I had time to process what had been said, I might add for a service I was paying for, I felt that I had been verbally abused on a very unnecessary and personal level that was totally irrelevant. It wasn’t even criticism it was a barrage of comments that were not at all constructive to what I was doing or trying to achieve. The comments were personal and were aired in public in front of other people in what was supposed to be a learning environment.
As a result I had a confidence crisis in everything I did last week, but then I am not someone to just lie down and take anything like that so the stubborn side of my personality came through with my “I’ll show them attitude”. Now it could be that was exactly what the person was trying to achieve and was using reverse psychology and perhaps that was what was intended? The sad thing is I did not feel positive and I will never find out as I will not return and put myself in that situation again.
I believe that teaching techniques have changed since when i was at school and we have progressed in trying to get people to achieve their goals in a positive encouraging manner, with constructive criticism being used which consists of both negative and positive, there is certainly no need to tear someone apart or to get personal.
On reflection the comments I received were not just personal but they were very rude. However I didn’t want to dwell on the negativity, so I tried to let it go and that is why this week I have chosen to write about it, I might add one week later, which shows I haven’t quite yet let it go. So by sharing this experience with my readers I am now letting it go. I have chosen to ignore the way I was spoken to and have put it down to a bad experience but and this is where I have turned it around because I am sure I have learnt something from that day and although I’ve not yet realized what it is I am very sure I will look back on it and say yes it was upsetting at the time but I got something from it.
So the motto this week is to not focus on the negative and to try to find the good in all situations and to also be thoughtful in what we say and how we deliver our messages.
Also last week my Blog was one year old so I would like to thank you for reading, commenting and following for the last year. My Blog is being read all over the world from far flung places such as the Philippines, Brazil, Bhutan, Argentina and even Ecuador and I am truly grateful to you for reading and sharing. It really does means a lot.
Wishing all my lovely readers a fantastic and happy week full of love and happiness.
I totally agree with your sentiments Tracey, there is never a good reason to be cruel or rude to someone who, to all intents and purposes, is doing their best. Constructive criticism is fine, barracking someone is not. Yes, you will have learnt from it and hopefully the person who was so rude and frankly unhelpful will reflect on the way they delivered their message and realise it was not the best way to get the best out of someone. You’re a positive person, luckily, but how would someone who isn’t as positive as you react?
Tracey Marie said:
I think the key Liz is to take what we can from all situations and learn wherever possible and now on reflection I have learnt quite a few things and some I am very pleased to say very positive so not all was lost.
carole g said:
Bless you – I’m glad you feel better now – as the situation is not worth your time and thought. I think people should be more mindful of how their words and actions can have such an impact of others. Luckily you are a positive, intone and happy go lucky person and are able to put things into perspective. xx
Tracey Marie said:
Positivity and determination always win in the end Carole and I hope my Blogs will help and encourage other people when they find themselves in similar situations.
claire gray said:
So pleased you are en route to letting it go. I think ego’s got in the way of manners in this situation. You know how far you’ve come, and you know how far you want to go. Continue to surround yourself with the people who believe in you, and you will succeed. xx
Tracey Marie said:
Thanks for your support Claire and taking the time to comment. I found that writing this Blog helped me purge my feelings.
Sonia DECONINCK said:
I know how you have felt, Tracey. you did the right thing : just ignoring it. You will “digest” it. Luckily… But you could have lost your self confidence, doubting to the point of quitting everything. Rudeness and verbal brutality won’t take anyone very far. A teacher should know better… Besides, if it’s quite unpleasant for the person who has to undergo the burst of anger, impatience,harshness, pure meanness or plain rudeness, the very one who indulges himself in such ways gives of himself a quite pitiful, pathetic – sometimes grotesque – image. Does this person know it ?